Canadian statistics reveal that lesbian teens are five times more likely than heterosexual girls to attempt suicide. A recent study by the B.C based McCreary Centre Society found that 38 per cent of teenage lesbian girls had attempted suicide. This is the story of five women who didn’t become just another statistic and a group that wants to help those who may.
“I’m gay and proud,” exclaimed Dianne O’Dea a member of South West Nova Pride. When I approached Dianne about their group she was hesitant on inviting me to their monthly meeting. “It used to be open to straight people who support us but we want it to be a place where people feel safe and don’t have to worry about anyone judging them,” O’Dea explained. Although the monthly meeting was off limits to me, the group arranged for me to meet with them at a cottage owned by one of the members. When I hauled into the driveway O’Dea who led me into the cottage warmly greeted me. As members began to show up I found myself surrounded by seven people, five lesbians and two gay men. I thought, there is no way these people are going to open up to me. I couldn’t have been more wrong. “Before I start to tell you my story I’d like you to raise your hand if any of you remember the day you decided you were straight.” O’Dea begins each presentation she’s asked to do with that very question. “During a presentation that we do every year for nursing students I asked that question and one girl asked me to repeat it. She said, “well I didn’t decide I was straight.” “I didn’t decide I’m gay,” said O’Dea. She was 16 when she had her first girlfriend. When she found out about gay bars she joked “ I spent the next 16 years in the bars having a good time.” Even though she was openly gay among her group of friends she never came out at work or with her family until she moved to Yarmouth and joined South West Nova Pride. I sat in a circle with the group as each one of them told me their stories. “I’m gender blind,” said Heather Childs, a single mother of two. Heather had been married twice before she began to question her sexuality. “I didn’t realize I was different,” she said adding, “it wasn’t like I was struggling with my sexuality as I was growing up, I was struggling with my marriages.” As a mother of young children Childs spoke about the issues she was faced with when she came out. “I feel I have to tell parents when their kids come over that I am gay.” “It’s a damn shame that we have to justify ourselves, a woman and man wouldn’t have to,” added another member of the group, who requested to be anonymous. Within the circle there were two women who are legally married ,one of whom wishes to not reveal her identity. “See, we’re still living in fear,” said one partner who described herself as a religious fanatic earlier in life. “After my first experience I felt rotten, lower than a snake,” said the woman who explained that it has only been the last few years that she can say she likes herself, a person who she once hated. “Before I came out I had to lie about everything and every time I did I felt almost sick.” It wasn’t until she was 59 years old and met her partner that she began to feel comfortable with her sexuality. The two eloped several years ago without their families present. The second partner had been married to a man most of her life and shared two children with him. “I began therapy for family issues I was having. I started having flash backs of sexual abuse as a child and I thought that was why I was different,” she said. She described her coming out as a celebration. “I would choose this,” she added. As her wife jumped in to say “but you didn’t have to go through what we went through, it’s not a choice.” Her wife had come out later in life, she feels comfortable with the lifestyle and says she doesn’t care if someone doesn’t like her because she’s gay. “When we’re driving, holding hands she used to haul her hand away quickly when a truck drove by, afraid they may see,” she added about her partner, who has had a life-long struggle with her sexuality. There was no doubt in another member’s mind that she was gay. A pioneer of her time she was the first female bar manager at the very first official gay club in Halifax, known as the Turks. After moving to Yarmouth from Halifax, she spilt with her partner of 20 years. She said she’s witnessed first hand just how difficult the struggle has been for herself as well as others. That struggle is something Dan Poirier knows a lot about. Dan and his husband Jack Murphy are very vocal members of the group. Poirier lived in secret until he was 62 years old. “It was something that followed me through my life. When I was in university it was very hard to concentrate on my studies, it would have made it much easier had I been straight,” he said. Poirier married his wife to save face. “I thought it was something that could be fixed,” and for 39 years he hid what he calls his true self until he ended the marriage. “I felt so lonely and isolated, I lost it,” speaking about the divorce. Throughout that time Poirier was admitted to the psychiatric ward twice until he came to terms with his sexuality and met his husband. Poirier and Murphy, who has always been openly gay, have been happily married for six years. Each one of their stories is different but they all have one thing in common, their goal for South West Nova Pride. At one point in their lives they all yearned for the sense of belonging that they’ve found within the group and they want to offer that to others who feel isolated as some of them once had. “It’s not a support group, we don’t want to sound like there’s something wrong with being gay that you have to seek support for,” said O’Dea. The group says their numbers are low and they can’t understand why. They have found solitude in their small knit group that wants to reach the younger generations. “A lot of younger [gay] people are moving to the city because it’s more accepting. If parents can’t understand and accept their children they’re going to lose them,” said O’Dea. “If I could find the happiness that most people seem to find down home I would,” said Justin Aylward, a young gay man who recently moved to Halifax. “I would love to stay and be happy there, but right now it’s out of the question,” he explained as he spoke about the stigma that comes from being gay in a small town. “We want the younger people to feel they can come to use if they want to talk or have questions. We’re here to help, to listen and give advice,” says Poirier. The group has been holding their monthly gatherings in Beacon Church but as of this month South West Nova Pride will meet at Sobeys in the community room at 7:00 PM. For more information contact Dianne O’Dea at 749-0977.